Ｌｉｆｅ Ｇｏｅｓ Ｏｎ

人には生まれもった才能がある、おいらの才能は苦しむこと。

Undesirable

I used to be shy (probably still, I am). Couldn't talk to people. No surprises, but I had no friends---- at least not real ones. I was always alone. And there were times when I felt, well, worthless.

 

I mean, when you look at me you wouldn't think that I'm anything but a fun-loving (no, not really), happy-go-lucky joker (bullshit). But that isn't the real me. Behind all the quips and laughs, I'm a mess of hang-ups. I've always felt inferior to you guys. (I'm not healthy) and I'm not strong. I'm nothing, really. ------ I'm not good with people.-------- I'm not smart.------ but when we hang out, it's much fun (that) I forget what I am not. Then, reality hits me like a splash of cold water, and I remember that I don't belong. But I want to. Every moment, I'm desperate to earn my place-- to prove that I'm good enough. 

  

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Seriously though, thanks for making time for this loser. (It) feel good to get that off my chest.

 

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(This) not actually something that I can tell to people-------. But still... you guys are like the only friends, I've ever known. I just hope that things can stay the way they were. I can't change where I came from, (or) what I am (now)............ (thanks).

 

"Think what you will, but I think you are good enough for me" - (N., 2016).

 

There was a Time when I thought about Dying

There was a time when I thought about dying, because the seagulls squawked at the end of the pier.

Drifting aimlessly at sea ‘til they'd all flown away, having pecked at my life like scraps of bread.

 

There was a time when I thought about dying, because the plum blossoms bloomed on my birthday.
If I lie down beneath the sunlight streaming through the trees, will I become like the dirt and insect remains?

 

Mint candy at the harbor’s lighthouse. Abandoned bikes strewn by the rusty bridge.
I warm myself up at this old wooden station, though I don't really feel like going anywhere.

But today feels exactly like yesterday, and if I don’t change something, tomorrow will be the same.

 

There was a time when I thought about dying, because I was nothing but an empty husk.
And whenever someone cries because they’re not happy, I’m sure it’s because they really want to be.

I know it will. I know it will, and yet still…

 

There was a time when I thought about dying, because my shoelaces had come undone.
I was never very good at retying them. Kind of like how I am with the ties between people.

 

There was a time when I thought about dying, because some kid wouldn’t stop staring at me.
I fell down to my knees on top of my bed, so that I could apologize to myself. 

 

My computer casts a dim light. The room upstairs sounds the same as ever.
The boy sits tucked inside a birdcage, ears covered to drown out the ringing school bell.
I’m fighting an enemy I can’t even see inside this one room department store.
I’ve seen the prize, and it doesn’t look all that great.

 

 There was a time when I thought about dying, because everyone said I didn’t have a heart.
And whenever someone cries longing for another’s love, it’s because they accidentally learned what the real thing feels like.

There was a time when I thought about dying, because you just had to have such a pretty smile.
And whenever someone can’t help but think about dying, I’m sure it’s because we’re all trying a little too hard.

There was a time when I thought about dying. It must have been because I hadn’t met you yet.
And if people like you can exist in this world, then maybe I like it a little after all.

And if people like you are living in this world, then maybe it’s alright to hope a little too.

"Oh."

sometimes its so hard to pretend something that hurting deep inside and yet you just pretend shit didn't happened. you let off your frustrations online wishing at least your friend/s to notice but did not because some just too dumb to care or simply unworthy to be called one.

 

saying you should directly tell the problem with the people you in trouble with but it just led into arguments because yeah ego always win right? thats how it will end too, eventually.

 

 

 

but most p