There was a Time when I thought about Dying

There was a time when I thought about dying, because the seagulls squawked at the end of the pier.

Drifting aimlessly at sea ‘til they'd all flown away, having pecked at my life like scraps of bread.

There was a time when I thought about dying, because the plum blossoms bloomed on my birthday.
If I lie down beneath the sunlight streaming through the trees, will I become like the dirt and insect remains?

Mint candy at the harbor’s lighthouse. Abandoned bikes strewn by the rusty bridge.
I warm myself up at this old wooden station, though I don't really feel like going anywhere.

But today feels exactly like yesterday, and if I don’t change something, tomorrow will be the same.

There was a time when I thought about dying, because I was nothing but an empty husk.
And whenever someone cries because they’re not happy, I’m sure it’s because they really want to be.

I know it will. I know it will, and yet still…

There was a time when I thought about dying, because my shoelaces had come undone.
I was never very good at retying them. Kind of like how I am with the ties between people.

There was a time when I thought about dying, because some kid wouldn’t stop staring at me.
I fell down to my knees on top of my bed, so that I could apologize to myself. 

My computer casts a dim light. The room upstairs sounds the same as ever.
The boy sits tucked inside a birdcage, ears covered to drown out the ringing school bell.
I’m fighting an enemy I can’t even see inside this one room department store.
I’ve seen the prize, and it doesn’t look all that great.

 There was a time when I thought about dying, because everyone said I didn’t have a heart.
And whenever someone cries longing for another’s love, it’s because they accidentally learned what the real thing feels like.

There was a time when I thought about dying, because you just had to have such a pretty smile.
And whenever someone can’t help but think about dying, I’m sure it’s because we’re all trying a little too hard.

There was a time when I thought about dying. It must have been because I hadn’t met you yet.
And if people like you can exist in this world, then maybe I like it a little after all.

And if people like you are living in this world, then maybe it’s alright to hope a little too.