Undesirable

I used to be shy (probably still, I am). Couldn't talk to people. No surprises, but I had no friends---- at least not real ones. I was always alone. And there were times when I felt, well, worthless.

I mean, when you look at me you wouldn't think that I'm anything but a fun-loving (no, not really), happy-go-lucky joker (bullshit). But that isn't the real me. Behind all the quips and laughs, I'm a mess of hang-ups. I've always felt inferior to you guys. (I'm not healthy) and I'm not strong. I'm nothing, really. ------ I'm not good with people.-------- I'm not smart.------ but when we hang out, it's much fun (that) I forget what I am not. Then, reality hits me like a splash of cold water, and I remember that I don't belong. But I want to. Every moment, I'm desperate to earn my place-- to prove that I'm good enough. 

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Seriously though, thanks for making time for this loser. (It) feel good to get that off my chest.

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(This) not actually something that I can tell to people-------. But still... you guys are like the only friends, I've ever known. I just hope that things can stay the way they were. I can't change where I came from, (or) what I am (now)............ (thanks).

"Think what you will, but I think you are good enough for me" - (N., 2016).